The Truth about Blogging

I'm going to throw some serious blog knowledge at you folks!

Or at least how blogging pertains to me!

I am not that honest on here.

I probably write about 8% of my life.

That's right you are missing out on 92% of A Cynical Romantic!

Try not to cry!

I was at dinner last night with my friend Audrey and we were talking about writing and whatnot.

She was asking me about blogging and I realized a startling truth, I keep A LOT from you guys!

I'm not trying to be deceitful but honestly I can't write about some things because people I know, aka pretty much everyone who reads this, read it. 

I try to be upbeat, emphasis on try, and there are personal things which are hard to discuss, especially when trying to protect people's privacy.

I sometimes think about having an entirely second blog, that none of you would know about, so I can air everything! But again, I am trying to protect people's privacy!

I have had a big year, good things and upsetting things and you don't know half of it!

But rest assured I will keep you informed as much as I can especially when it pertains to me solely!

I respect blogger's that can really write about every aspect in their life.

Major props ladies!

I can't.

But today here's what I can give you.

I'm:

happy

sad

excited

frustrated

nostalgic

confused

determined

stressed

&

hopeful.

Here's a dream (semi)realized:

I am going to write a book.

Maybe tomorrow.

Or maybe in ten years.

But it will happen!

And yes it will be a love story. No surprise there!

The cynical romantic can write the perfect ending for a fictional story!

Here's my current goal:

Find the positive in every situation.

Thanksgiving was just last week and keeping perspective and being thankful for what I have is truly the most important thing.

Sure there are things I wish I could change and some days I let the self-pity take over, I mean who doesn't have those days, but for every "issue" I have someone has it worse and I should be thankful for what I have.

And I have A MILLION things to be thankful for. So trying to find the good even when it's not an ideal situation is what I will strive for!

xoxo

A Cynical Romantic

Sunday Randoms

My arms hurt!

It hurts typing right now!

It was 'arms' day in my workout routine.

See I have a love/hate relationship with arms day.

I HATE it! Personally

But on the other arm...hahaha workout pun...no....moving on!

The only time I appreciate arms day is when boys workout their arms!

That is heaven!

I'm a bit scatter-brained today hence why my post is called Sunday Randoms!

So enjoy the sporadic thoughts coming your way!

• I canNOT wait for Thanksgiving! Food=good, football=good, family=good! All around very good!

• Shout out to Kendra! What would I do without your hilarious texts to get through the day! You make me pee my pants on the regular! And your son is quite possibly the cutest kid ever! Wonder where he gets it from?? ;)

• Anyone else watching 2 Broke Girls??? If not, you should be! I only aspire to be that witty and clever one day! Oh and they have a horse, in a New York City apt, that's reason enough to watch!

• Why are holidays always so romantic?? Don't get me wrong, deep down I love it, but right now surface-level Ashley is wishing it wasn't so much! There is one commercial that comes on the radio ALL THE TIME. "Are you getting engaged this holiday season??" Every time it comes on I want to shout back, " Dude be more original, getting engaged at Christmas is overdone!" That's my rant. I'm done now! PS Christmas time is my favorite time of year, I'm not the Grinch or anything, just a teensy bit cynical!

• I started studying for another teaching test. This test is the Math 4-8. Holy Cow! I feel really stupid! It's been awhile since I was in a math class. ( I lucked out with my major that I only need one credit and I got that done freshman year) So it's been 6 years since I actually sat in a math class. I am having to re-learn basic math stuff. I don't remember triangles being this difficult when I was in school! But my goal of becoming a 6th/7th grade math teacher is getting closer and closer!

I think my brain is tapped out.

I will have a food post coming soon.

Breakfast Pizza!

What? You wanna see a picture?? Ok!

Honesty

I've been thinking about this post for a LONG time but haven't had the 'courage' to actually write it.

Recently I've realized that not only do I have walls up and a big guard but I am scared.

The thing I want the most is the thing I am most afraid of.

(I'm surprised how hard that was to type.)

**BTW for you slow thinkers I'm talking about the L-word!

(that's a lovely example of the humor I use to hide)

My cynicism and sarcasm and quick humor isn't just to keep people out but I think it's more to protect me.

Aside from family and a few friends not a lot of people know me full-guard-down.

The thing that hurt the most when my ex and I broke up was that he knew everything.

I confided everything. He knew the good things, the bad things, the everythings.

That sense of vulnerability that you feel when you break up with someone who knows you that well is intense. And trust me he used it all against me when we broke up!

I am scared to have someone know me that well again.

Even some friends I keep at arm's length because any fight or disagreement can lead to that vulnerable feeling.

I've looked back at every relationship since then, big or small, and reevaluated how I was with them.

And the overwhelming consensus was that I didn't let them in at all. Maybe I'm the reason they didn't work out because I was too scared at the thought of someone getting that close to me again.

So much so that ex #2 and I dated on and off for two years and "I love yous" were never exchanged.

What does that say?

I know that the people that know ex #2 will blow up my phone telling me that he was a big asshole and it wasn't me at all. But the principle's the same.

The more I've thought about all this I realize what things I tend not to share.

They're 'mood changers.'

The three or four topics that can instantly changed my mood for better or worse.

These people or things aren't discussed much beyond surface level.

A lot of people know about these mood changers but they won't see me vulnerable about them.

Usually they're mentioned as a joke. Humor takes the edge off any serious topic.

I want to share though.

I want that one person who can instantly know my mood just by seeing me.

That knows certain subjects are harder for me to talk about but encourages me to talk.

That knows how to make me happy, or knows what buttons to push.

That wants to be a dork with me.

That wants to adore me.

That lets me take care of them too.

That wants to spend all day Saturday with me.

But....

I'm scared.

This is a step towards me 'guard-down' and I feel slightly more exposed than normal.

xoxo

A Cynical Romantic

Yes, I know, it's been awhile!

The only benefit of my last job was that I was on the computer all.the.time. so writing my blogs were a lot easier!

I  miss writing on here.

So, if I even still have readers, I am sorry I was gone!

I'll try to write more often!

Forgive me??

....

I heard "yes" so let's keeping going!

The last couple of days have kicked my ass.

Nothing specific happened.

Ever have one of those days where it just seems like every issue you have going on all comes up on the same day in one way or another???

At some point yesterday (maybe after a few cocktails....) I got overwhelmed and dumped ALL my problems on my bestie!

Stacy I love you!

The best thing about venting to Stacy is she gives tough love! So today I woke up motivated and said "F*** you" to my issues and didn't dwell on them. The problems I can control-I will work on. The problems I have no control over-I have to stop worrying and just hope things turn out ok.

In other news, I  have one of my best friends in town and I'm going out with him tonight and some friends!

Work is going well....so well I decided to work six days a week for awhile since we're short-handed right now! I may regret this when I yearn for a day to sleep in but for now I need the money!!

My birthday weekend in Austin is coming up! I can't stress enough how much I need a weekend to just do anything and be carefree!! And I can NOT wait to be back in Austin! I miss it so much!

I've been working out like crazy lately to get back in shape and I'm thinking about posting before and after pictures on here. I think I'm crazy for wanting to do this. But I want to be a little vain and show you all my progress! Haha...

I'm not really vain btw!

If anything I would have to be inebriated to actually hit the publish button on that post.

Anyway I have to see if my professional airbrusher will be available to edit my pictures anyway :)

Alright guys after doing 525 crunches (yes you read that correctly, I am crazy serious about getting back in shape) and the rest of my workout I need to shower!

Have a happy Tuesday!

SIGH

I

am

 in

a

funk.

This funk consist of me feeling lonely mostly and having too many thoughts in my head.

My rents are out of town and because I've been working weekends I haven't really gone out and seen mis amigos so it's been me and Lucy.

I got to spend some time with my sister and it was really good.

But, now,  I am back in a funk..

Work is really good but I feel like that's all I have going for me right now.

I am kicking ass at my goals for the month though!

(Beating everyone in the store on deposits, what what!)

Why is it when one area of your life is good another area starts having issues??

Honestly this is starting to annoy me!

For three years it's always been something and I think that I've handle everything the world has thrown my way extremely well. I am a stronger person than I even knew I was but now I would like to be careful and happy.

Completely happy.

(Don't get me wrong, I am happy just not all the way, all the time)

It's always either family, or boys, or friends, or work, or something!

This post is brought to you by my funk...

I'm not this pessimisstic all the time.

I swear!

Ask my friends!

So until the funk passes I will relish it.

Not really though.

Please give me tips/reasons/jokes/aka anythinggg to get me out of this funkalicious mood!

K thanks lovelies!

On a happy note and I am sure she will love me for giving her a shout out in such a 'fun' post but

Audrey aka GN Lover

I heart you!

and you are the bomb.com!

:))))

I have the best job and yall should be jealous!

Everyday I go to work it just re-confirms that I did the right thing leaving my old job.

I

Love

 My

Job!

I love the nutrition part of it alot.

But the reason I love love love this job is the atmosphere and the people!

We went marketing today to my high school.

Walking the halls and sneaking into our old teachers room was so much fun!

We have a pychopath who threathened to "stick me" and told me I was going to "get got."

Ok not so much fun, ok I was really scared about it, but it makes for a good story.

We constantly have dance off at work!

I don't win.

But still!

Lately one of our younger employees keeps taking his shirt off...yes while in the store and no (thankfully) not around customers! He's about to go to college and wants to make sure his muscles look good!

Oh and this is the kid that usually wins the dance offs!

Today me, my manager, and my co-worker had a serious conversation about how smart it would be for Bravo to make a reality about our store!

Letter to Bravo is in the works!

I've lost weight since working there.

Always a plus!

We try to teach ourselves how to juggle with lemons!

And we have a basketball net set up on the floor!

Don't be too jealous! We do work!

We are the #4 store out of 20 in Houston!

Which makes us badass!!!!

The point is I love my job and I love going to it everyday!

I think this is what people should strive for.

Doing something they love.

This company really wants you to love where you work and I think thats why it's been so successful.

OH and everyone I work with is the shit!!

Happpppy Tuesday!



DIY finished!

I started a DIY project before I went to Hawaii.

And while it has been done for awhile, I finally hung it today!

So here are some pictures of my drawer turned shelf!

And yes I did it all by myself!

Can you tell I'm proud of myself??!?!

Before!

Sanding it down.

Spraying painting it!

New hardware! and a close-up on my wall.

Front view.

Yes I made my bed just to take this picture!

Another view!

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep those mugs in it but for now I like it.

And I am pretty sure I will use the other drawer eventually.

Total Cost:

Drawer--already had

Spray paint--already had

New Hardware-- $6 from Antropologie

$6.00 total!!